As Far as I Can See

I had a bit of a scare recently, involving cobweb-like figures.  No, it had nothing to do with Halloween.  It was the sudden appearance of floaters in my left eye.

Although I’ve long had those spots of floaters in my eyes, this was different.  I was out shopping and looking at items near a backlit aisle.  Suddenly I had little flashes of light in my upper left eye.  I have had them occasionally in the past.  Generally I go somewhere to sit in a darkened room till they pass.  But that was not an option here.  The flashes stopped within a few minutes, but a cobweb-like floater was in my line of sight.  Only in left eye, not right eye.

by KristenDawn on pixabay

I managed to drive home.  I had to put away groceries, etc.  The floaters were annoying and continued through the weekend, so I called for an eye doctor appointment.  They saw me within days.

The floaters are normal and will come and go.  But they also found blood in the vitreous gel, unable to identify what caused it.  Should heal up on its own.  No surgery needed.  Check back in two weeks unless anything gets worse (not likely to).

How fortunate there was no retinal tear or I would have had surgery.  I think the stress of moving heavy furniture that same day the flashes happened may have caused the bleeding.

I have got to learn to take it easy.  Getting older means learning to accept limitations of some things.  Not that it is an excuse to do nothing and just wither away.  It is just important to adjust to the changes going on in my entire body.  Even checking on what vitamins to take for eye care as an example.

by KristenDawn on pixabay

I am so grateful for the gift of sight.  I do not take it for granted.  Every day I depend on seeing things to get me through life.  I cannot imagine going blind - I would be devastated.  Being so independent, it would crush me to have to rely on others for every little thing.  Even my cats, how could I care for them?

Thank God for helping me thus far.  I pray my eyes will continue to work, to literally see me through to the end of my life.       Theresa M

Cat Big Eyes GIFfrom Cat GIFs

Feline Fun

What a delight to have a back porch where cats come to congregate!  They’re not even my cats, but the neighboring ones.  For some reason, the two black female kittens, their big orange brother and their calico mama have been hanging out for months now.  It’s their catio, to bask in the sunshine all day.

I started giving them treats early on (kitten chow for the little ones) and of course they came back, expecting more.  I do think they’d keep coming around anyway, since there is space for them where all is safe and comfy (and they get away from the big dogs they live with!)  Their own porches are small.

They like to frolic in the yard as well, rolling around on crunchy leaves and playing with stems.  I dangle a string and they all pounce on it. The kittens and big orange brother love scritches, but mama cat hisses “no!” for herself.

Whenever I open my back door I am delighted to see their bright eyes light up as they jump and press their paws on the screen, meowing their greetings.  My two cats (indoor only) are a bit jealous and on occasion hiss at them (they also see them walking by when we are in screened catio on side porch).  I do think the larger black kitten has a crush on Merci and vice-versa!

The neighbors did have them all fixed (thank goodness!).  And how fortunate they do have a place to go inside if the weather is bad.  I have a big box covered with plastic on my porch in case they miss curfew.  They like to nap in it, and on it.

I wish more people would spay and neuter and shelter cats.  It would be a wonderful world of feline fun.  There is room for cat sanctuaries everywhere.  God bless those folks who trap, neuter, release (TNR) and provide so many services to our feline friends.       Theresa M

PS - There is also another cat, not from the same family, who started visiting months ago.  She looks well-cared for.  She doesn't come around as often because the above cats hiss at her.  I call her Chica, she is very sweet with me.  This picture below is from January, but she has been by at least monthly.  Adorable tuxie girl!      

The Incapacity to Care

Is there a point where a person can lose their capacity to care?  I don’t mean because of a brain disorder, like dementia, but maybe due to feeling so much grief, feeling over-burdened with pain.   Can a person be so diminished in having the capacity to care about others, even about those they have cared about for years?

In grief, I know I have felt so fatigued.  I have felt I could not do my best or give a lot of help to anyone for some time.  But I don’t think I ever stopped caring about anyone.

I wonder if some grieving people just stop caring - they don’t call, they don’t show interest in how another is doing.  Do they think of others but just not reach out?  I don’t know.  But I would rather it be that they just lost their capacity to care due to the weight of grief, rather than they just stop caring.  Then I could understand, then I don’t have to feel so neglected when a grieving person just doesn’t bother to keep in touch.  I don’t have to take it personally.  Don’t get me wrong.  I still reach out to them, but at some point, when the reaching isn’t reciprocated, it reminds me of feeling neglected, unwanted, as when “friends” don’t bother to call or meet up anymore.  That’s what it feels like - I don’t like that feeling.  But it’s okay if the person has just lost the capacity to care.  I understand.  No rejection, no blame.  That’s just life. And I pray that their grief will ease.       Theresa M