Autumn Life

 It's October now, and the leaves have been changing colors and swirling about.  This is my favorite season.  Yet this time I feel a bit sad, from losing Lilly in August.  She always loved autumn too, enjoying sunshine days on the screened porch, and cuddly evenings with me and Luke, and the past two years with Merci.

Life goes on, always in memories, in hearts, in spirit.  Somehow I do not feel a dread about the future, I just feel as if I am getting closer to home, our heavenly home.  Although I feel the sadness, I also feel the hope and upcoming joy of eternal life.  Not time yet though - I must live in today.  I will enjoy the beauty around me, the leaves, the pumpkins, the colors of fall.  The comfort of life - how fortunate to have this. 

Enjoy life as best as you can.  Some days are real terrors, others are pure joy.  Keep the faith, and the hope, and overall the love.     Theresa M

Lilly October 2023

us fall 2023

All the Time

For years I wore a watch regularly.  Of course I did need to keep track of the time to get to work, to eagerly check how close it was to lunch break, and especially for the time to go home.

📸 Alexis_Fotos on pixabay

Had clocks in the home in every room.  Needed an alarm, sometimes two, to get up.  Nevertheless I was often close to on time or was late for work anyway.  There was always something at home needing my attention.

Being retired now, I don’t wear a watch daily, and only sometimes do when I leave the house.  I still have a clock in every room, but rarely set alarms.

I like it this way.  No need to rush to have to go somewhere.  No need for “time” in that sense.  But oddly I do feel a sense of time slipping away.  And faster than before.

When I remember an event from the past, I get that feeling of “it seems like just recently it happened.” Even guessing when, I find that I can be more than a year off!  Maybe several years.  “That much time?” I find myself asking.

How could this be - how could life feel this way?  Time itself just moves at its own pace, never changes.

🎨 mine

I can’t hold time.  I can’t keep it, to save some for here or there.  There is no “time” to distribute where I want it.  Maybe life is like climbing a mountain, daily we check the time for this or that.  Once I’m up on top of the mountain, I continue on down the other side, only the going down part suddenly goes swiftly, as if I am on a raging river.  Whoa!  No clocks to grip onto to check the time for something.  It is just all going by so fast.  I can't hold on to time just as I can’t hold onto a snowflake in my hand and keep it.  That snow melted into this water slide!

What is there to do now?  Why not just keep living one day at a time - moment to moment.  Let it pass.  There is nothing to hold on to anyway.  Moments and Memories gently sail by.  Let me at least float on a raft once in awhile and take it all in.  This is all the time I have now.      Theresa M

The Passing of Lilly

Sometimes there are signs of things to come.  Both sad and happy, healthy and sickly.  A feeling of the passage of life - time.

me and Lilly Aug 2024

This summer, not over yet, suddenly took a break from the heat.  Nature allowed a wonderful cool autumn-like visit to stay with us for nearly a week this August.

I certainly enjoy autumn most of all.  Cool breezes, comfy night temps, just cold enough to have to put my socks on.

And my cats love to cuddle with me through the night in cool or cold times.  Being a hot summer, they tended to sleep elsewhere.  But this gift from nature, the autumn-feel, brought them back to me.

Merci, Luke, Lilly & me Aug 2024

One last time for Lilly.  It all happened so fast within three and a half days, she had become ill.  Waited to hear from vet and finally got appointment, but too late.  She died hours before.  She died at home.  I had held her part of the night, then lay next to her.  I held her paws and pet her.  When I had to go to the bathroom, she reached out her paw, patting me - telling me to stay.  I rushed back to hold her on my chest and we lay there awhile.  I talked to her, I prayed.  Then I realized there were no more words I could say.  My love and commitment were expressed; my pleas in prayers were all cried out.  It was totally in God’s hands, and in Lilly’s willingness to let go.

I tried some words again.  “Please let go Lilly, please let go.  The Lord is waiting for you.  So is Snapper, Nikki, Bailey and you’ll meet Bon Ami and Chelsea.”

She moved in pain, but no meows.  Her mouth opened briefly a few times.  Her eyes sank away.  Breathing was labored, deep, slowing down.

“I’m with you.”  Last breath.  No heartbeat.  My baby girl is gone.

Lilly April 2023

What a blessing it was to have this brief autumn-like weather in Lilly’s last week of life.  It was a sort of comfort.

All around the world, folks and their pets tweeted us condolences.  Pet love is universal.

One person I don’t even know, sent a poem that really, really touches my heart.  “I’m Still Here.” (author unknown) These two lines near the end of it got me……

               “I’m the colorful leaves when fall comes around.

                and the pure white snow that blankets the ground.”

Fall leaves and winter snow.  My spiritual connection with nature, with Lilly.  We would snuggle through the cold together, providing an enduring warmth of love, lasting forever.

Rest in peace my sweet Lilly girl.  See you soon. Mama loves you.     Theresa M

❤Lilly  born April 27, 2008; Gotcha Day June 27, 2008; died August 22, 2024 💔

Merci, Luke & Lilly July 17, 2024 last pic together

Luke, Merci & Lilly Feb 10, 2024

Lilly, Luke, & Bailey Oct 2019

Lilly, Nikki, Snapper Sept 2008

Lilly Sept 2008

me and Lilly April 19, 2024