Keeping Up Appearances

 One of my favorite quotes:  “The time is always right to do what is right.” - Martin Luther King Jr.

   As a child I thought doing the right thing was something easy, that you would just do it because, well, it’s right.  Who would want to feel bad - wouldn’t you feel bad if you did the wrong thing?

   Life is much more complicated.  It isn’t about feeling good doing the right thing (although in many ways you can).  And it isn’t necessarily true one feels bad doing the wrong thing (gee, but shouldn’t you?)

   Sometimes doing the right thing can cause a lot of stress, anxiety, and concern for the well-being of self and others.  Those with a conscience that accepts morals, ethics, and other attributes as necessary to function well in a society understand it is important to act, to stand up for these principles.

  Then there are those, knowing right from wrong, who don’t necessarily care to act on what is morally or ethically right.  This kind of person looks out only for himself.  Sure they may give the appearance speaking of values, et al.  But their decision-making and choices are all disguised to bring about the results of self-serving wants.

   Often in some people there is a combination of these two forces.  Anyone would naturally want to look out for himself and his family.  But making that choice can be difficult if one is concerned about appearances.  Does this make me look weak? Look selfish?  Look like I’m not in control?  Can one’s ego withstand the judgement of others?

   For some, yes, it’s not a problem at all.  One who has addressed their own demons and darkness, who has grown to have a strong and likely spiritually-grounded inner core will likely do the “right” thing regardless of others’ judgments.

   For others the ego cannot handle it.  But you won’t likely ever see them admit it.  Their use of denial, projection, minimization or other psychological defense mechanisms get more sharpened as time goes by.  It is easier for this person to opt for the “wrong” thing for personal gain, but hide their intentions with excuses and other types of sham.  Those with narcissistic personality disorders fit this description, but many without that disorder also act this way.

   Although I am no expert, I have observed these behaviors in people for years.  Working in mental health has afforded me a valuable learning experience.  We all try to protect our ego; we
all want to present ourselves to others as being smart, steadfast, and able to make good decisions.

 But in the long run, each one of us is stuck with one’s self:  your own view of who you are, your own judgement of how you perceive yourself to be.  You cannot change what other people think, feel, or say about you.  People make up their own minds, see things from their own lens, interpret via their own personal world-view.

   By all means do the right thing.  Encourage others to do so too.  People will talk - they always do.  Instead of listening to them, listen to your own inner voice of wisdom.  Be guided by what is true, noble, and in the best interests of most, if not all.  It’s not always easy, but it’s right.   Theresa M

 

  Phil 2:1-5:  If you have any encouragement from being united with Christ, if any comfort from his love, if any fellowship with the Spirit, if any tenderness and compassion, then make my joy complete by being like-minded, having the same love, being one in spirit and purpose.  Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves.  Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others.